1) Do it Together.
You are getting married to your best friend. What better way to embark on the next chapter of your life than to learn the ins and outs of each other’s likes and dislikes? Who knew that your fiancé actually does care about the color palette? Of course he does! He also cares about the music that is played during the ceremony and the flavor of the wedding cake filling. Just because he is willing to go along with your whims does not mean your groom doesn’t have his own ideas too. Make sure that you include him from the start of your decision making process – no matter how seemingly “small” the detail may be.
Just as important, is to find out how much wedding talk he can handle, and how many minutes you can hold your groom’s attention until his eyes wander over your shoulder to the basketball game that is on mute in the background. Make sure that you are sensitive to his other interests and pursuits, even if you are in party-planning-princess-mode. And, by all means, know when to hold ‘em…or hold back overloading the poor guy with ideas. Shoes and makeup discussions can be posted here!
2) Your wedding day is just a DAY.
Contrary to popular opinion, you are not “starting a life together” when you get married. You already have begun that journey. Your wedding day is the day you celebrate that love and commitment together and/ or with a broader group of loved ones, family and friends. Just remember that the day is still a typical 24-hour period like any other with a chance of rain, headaches and blisters. Nobody is promising perfection on any front – there will be tears, spills and other unforeseen events, so it is important to be mentally prepared to walk on your cloud around the wine stains and the crying babies…or moms.
3) Be Aware of Budget-Blowout!
Many brides begin the experience of planning her wedding as calm, relaxed, happy and gorgeous, but anyone who sifts through pages of vendors, facials and hairstylists will tell you that the lump sums can be more harrowing than reciting your vows without a cheat sheet.
Be very clear with your fiancé, family members, and anyone else taking part in the financial side of your wedding, about setting realistic expectations upfront. Again, this is where research is essential. You don’t want to hope for the best here. You should set a budget with the expectation to go over it by 25%, and start saving. If you are lucky to have anyone help you with your wedding, be thankful and make sure include their ideas into your day, as appropriate.
4) Be true to you.
You are getting married and suddenly everyone you know, especially your mother, her mother, and her sister has an idea on how to make your day “perfect.” While their hearts are in the right place, you may feel a little overwhelmed when their ideas seem a little different than your vision. Many people have their own ideas and dreams for your wedding day and many concerns that you may or may NOT need to take into consideration. Just remember to listen and breathe. It will all work itself out.
Sit down with your fiancé and discuss what is most important to you as a couple. If he is color blind, he may not appreciate the fact that you flew in the perfect shade of persimmon posies for the big day to match your napkins exactly. Perhaps he wants your dog to take part in the ceremony and walk down the aisle as the ring bearer. If this is his one request, make sure that the church allows animals before sending in your deposit.
5) Throw a planning party.
Collaboration is a great way to get started! Invite your friends over and share your ideas with them. They can let you know if you are over the top or just about right! They know you better than you do sometimes, and will definitely share their thoughts. If you have friends who have been recently married, ask for their opinions. They’ve already done the work, and know from experience what vendors are the most reliable and which ones can be left at the altar.
6) Save on stationary.
The very words dye cut can kill your wedding budget. You don’t need to spend a fortune to impress guests with your invitations – most likely they will leave the illustrated, embossed directions card behind in the rental car anyway. Remember – while this is the day you’ve been dreaming of – many of your guests have lives of their own, and are lucky to make it to the church on time as it is. I can promise you, they are not going to save your invitation. I actually overheard a bride asking her very high-priced stationer to re-print another set of her wedding invite so she would have a memento of her day. Apparently not one guest had even saved her invitations. Unfortunately, even though she had spent a bundle on the invitations, it was a one-time print for the masses, and the shop refused her.
If you find yourself spending more than $3.00 for a half sheet of paper – in any color or shade, slow down and think twice about it. An invitation is not just one page after all – it can include an entire “suite” of materials (two envelopes, directions and response cards and even “dress code” cards) that can add up to costing more than $15.00 per invitation, and that is before factoring in postage! Make sure that you take this into consideration before signing on the dotted line – even if it is embossed.
7) Less is more.
When it comes to your wedding party, keep it simple. Remember, the most important people at the altar are you, your fiancé, and your officiator. You don’t need 20 other friends, no matter how much you love them, standing in a row in dresses that may or may not reflect their best selves. Be kind to your friends and let them enjoy the party as your wonderful guests. They’ll thank you for it later, and hopefully provide you with the same honor when they get married. Does anyone really look good in purple taffeta after all?
8) Plan for rain.
You will NOT, I repeat, NOT have control over anything that occurs on your wedding day – except for how you handle the unexpected, mishaps, late arrivals, falls and other calamities. As long as you and your groom are in the right place at (almost!) the right time, you are more than halfway there. A wedding is a great time to practice the sense of humor you will need to call upon throughout the rest of your lives together, so expect the unexpected.
9) If they overbid – shoot ‘em yourself.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but not a thousand dollars. Some of the quotes you receive can be outrageous and interviews are time consuming. I had a potential photography vendor ask me to meet with them for an hour before they would talk to me about budget or even give me the name of the actual artist who they planned to “assign” me to. Others sell more fear than thier actual services, telling you to choose them now, or they will certainly be booked – or stating that other photographers cannot “guarantee” bringing backup equipment, etc. Steer clear of the hard sell! Remember, you are the client. If you are not getting what you need in a timely fashion, let them know – or let them go!
We ended up getting so fed-up with photographers giving the runaround, that we posted a classified ad with the price we were willing to pay for a photographer upfront. We were amazed and thrilled that we received 50 responses in less than two hours as well as online portfolios that we could peruse at our leisure. Then, it was up to us to contact the potential photographers ourselves. And, that made us smile!
10) Dress the part.
Anyone will tell you that you dress is one of the most important elements of the wedding. And, yes, it is definitely an important element. You are the “bride” but you are still you. It is wonderful to feel beautiful and like a princess, but do you really need to spend gobs of money and lug around a 30 pound gown on your wedding day? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself here. Think about what is truly important to you in a gown. If you want to dance and you want to sit down, these are two of the first things to take into consideration before stuffing yourself into slinky couture.
Take stock of the bridal magazines and know your style before you walk into the store. I found my dress in 15 minutes. I knew the designer I loved, set up an appointment for their upcoming trunk show, and arrived moments before my 9 a.m. for my fitting. (Morning fittings are a great idea to ensure good and expedient service!) Tailoring, however, is another story.
